Many of you are likely tuning in tonight for the first Republican primary Presidential debate. Some of you are tuning in because you actually care to hear more from the 10 candidates selected by FOX News to participate in tonight’s debate.
Many more of your may be tuning in to see what (from a liberal standpoint) promises to be a comedic pot of gold sent directly from baby Jesus to your television screens.
For those of you planning to watch the debate for the latter reason, here is TIME’s official First Fox News Republican Debate Drinking Game. You know it’s dangerous when TIME even warns you by saying “This one is going to hurt.”
Here is TIME’s guide to drinking watching the first Republican debate of the 2016 cycle. Bear in mind this also includes instructions for the “pre-debate” debate with the candidates that didn’t make the cut.
- Stir your swizzle stick the first time Lindsey Graham makes a joke.
- Shoot some bourbon if he actually gets a moderator to smile.
- Swear to never drink again if he tells more than five jokes, and one of them involves Obama’s Iran deal.
- Sip if someone says “Oops.” Finish the drink if that someone is Rick Perry.
- Finish your drink if Ted Cruz mentions his father’s underwear.
- Bury the bottle cap in the back yard if anyone mocks Michelle Obama’s White House garden.
- Drink a glass of water if Marco Rubio is spotted drinking water on stage.
- Drink a bottle of anything whenever Bobby Jindal completes an entire answer without attacking Obama, Democrats or liberals.
- Pour yourself a new drink each time Jim Gilmore makes a point. Drink them all at once if you suddenly realize you could vote for him.
Sip for each of the following:
- Mike Huckabee rails on judges
- Scott Walker says “Reagan”
- Rick Santorum attacks Fox News debate selection rules
- George Pataki brings up 9/11
- Jeb Bush says “joy,” “joyful,” or “clown”
- Someone mentions W
- Someone mentions Monica
- Someone mentions Romney in a negative way
- Someone says Benghazi
- Cruz praises Trump
- Trump refers to himself in the 3rd person
- Jeb calls himself “Veto Corleone”
- Carson says he has no desire to be President
- Rand namechecks an austrian economist
- Rand criticizes a moderator
- Christie says he ‘tells it like it is’
- Cruz says ‘washington cartel’
- Kasich gets angry
- Perry makes an oops joke
- Jeb Bush says 4%
- Cruz mentions his father
- Trump says “Huge,” “Best,” or “Great”
- Anyone uses the word “rape” or “rapist”
- Anyone mentions “Cecil the Lion”
Finish everything in the house if Chris Christie names his favored method of birth control.
For those of you who maybe don’t want to be completely hungover at work tomorrow, may I suggest Republican debate bingo?