A good friend of mine moved this past weekend to a new apartment in Cambridge. The stories she tells about living with 3 other girls are both hilarious and infuriating, so I’m glad she’s finally moving into a new place and living alone. But I couldn’t help but think about how she had to pack everything in order to move… and it reminded me of an excerpt from the book Let’s Pretend This Never Happened by Jenny Lawson (aka The Bloggess). Btw, the book is absolutely hilarious, and I encourage everyone to read it. Side note: Victor is Jenny’s husband and for some reason buys vegetable choppers from infomercials.
The Five Stages of Moving:
- Pack everything nicely with Bubble Wrap. Clean it all first so it’s fresh and ready to be unpacked. Label boxes on all sides.
- Start intentionally breaking things so you have a reason not to wrap and pack them.
- Find eighteen choppers in the kitchen drawers. Demand that Victor stop buying sh*t from infomercials late at night. Intentionally break seventeen choppers.
- Question why you ever started collecting little glass animals, and who allowed you to have fourteen hundred of them. Also, why do we have three junk drawers? Is that a sign that we’ve finally “made it” or a sign that we’re hoarders? Try to get on Twitter to ask your friends, but then realize that your husband has already packed your computer cords. Feel utterly and completely alone. Cry in the bathroom, but be unable to blow your nose because you can’t find the box you packed the toilet paper in.
- Set a large bonfire in the living room. Laugh maniacally as you push cardboard boxes into it.