my sense of humor

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this explains SO much…

words to live by

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Give more than expected; love more than seems wise; serve more than appears necessary; help more than is asked.

overheard

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“Um… that was a stop sign back there.”

“Yeah I know, I totally paused…”

“No… you did the South End shuffle.”

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gay, overread, ridiculous

“My admiration runs deeper than a drag queen’s love of hooker heels.”

Lessons from an internet rant

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overread, ridiculous

Four lessons to be learned here:

1. If you share something with anyone on the Web, it’s liable to be shared with everyone on the Web.
2. Anything you post will eventually become public.
3. Anything you post can and will be used against you.
4. If you post something epically stupid, it will go viral

Thank you to CNN and Gawker for bringing this to my attention.

This is an actual email from one of the executive board members of the University of Maryland’s chapter of Delta Gamma.  Way to keep it classy.

If you just opened this like I told you to, tie yourself down to whatever chair you’re sitting in, because this email is going to be a rough f*cking ride.

For those of you that have your heads stuck under rocks, which apparently is the majority of this chapter, we have been F*CKING UP in terms of night time events and general social interactions with Sigma Nu. I’ve been getting texts on texts about people LITERALLY being so f*cking AWKWARD and so f*cking BORING. If you’re reading this right now and saying to yourself “But oh em gee Julia, I’ve been having so much fun with my sisters this week!”, then punch yourself in the face right now so that I don’t have to f*cking find you on campus to do it myself.

I do not give a flying f*ck, and Sigma Nu does not give a flying f*ck, about how much you f*cking love to talk to your sisters. You have 361 days out of the f*cking year to talk to sisters, and this week is NOT, I f*cking repeat NOT ONE OF THEM. This week is about fostering relationships in the greek community, and that’s not f*cking possible if you’re going to stand around and talk to each other and not our matchup. Newsflash you stupid cocks: FRATS DON’T LIKE BORING SORORITIES. Oh wait, DOUBLE F*CKING NEWSFLASH: SIGMA NU IS NOT GOING TO WANT TO HANG OUT WITH US IF WE F*CKING SUCK, which by the way in case you’re an idiot and need it spelled out for you, WE F*CKING SUCK SO FAR. This also applies to you little shits that have talked openly about post gaming at a different frat IN FRONT OF SIGMA NU BROTHERS. Are you people f*cking retarded? That’s not a rhetorical question, I LITERALLY want you to email me back telling me if you’re mentally slow so I can make sure you don’t go to anymore night time events. If Sigma Nu openly said “Yeah we’re gonna invite Zeta over”, would you be happy? WOULD YOU? No you wouldn’t, so WHY THE F*CK WOULD YOU DO IT TO THEM?? IN FRONT OF THEM?!! First of all, you SHOULDN’T be post gaming at other frats, I don’t give a F*CK if your boyfriend is in it, if your brother is in it, or if your entire family is in that frat. YOU DON’T GO. YOU. DON’T. GO. And you ESPECIALLY do f*cking NOT convince other girls to leave with you.

“But Julia!”, you say in a whiny little bitch voice to your computer screen as you read this email, “I’ve been cheering on our teams at all the sports, doesn’t that count for something?” NO YOU STUPID F*CKING ASS HATS, IT F*CKING DOESN’T. DO YOU WANNA KNOW F*CKING WHY?!! IT DOESN’T COUNT BECAUSE YOU’VE BEEN F*CKING UP AT SOBER F*CKING EVENTS TOO. I’ve not only gotten texts about people being f*cking WEIRD at sports (for example, being stupid shits and saying stuff like “durr what’s kickball?” is not f*cking funny), but I’ve gotten texts about people actually cheering for the opposing team. The opposing. F*cking. Team. ARE YOU F*CKING STUPID?!! I don’t give a SH*T about sportsmanship, YOU CHEER FOR OUR GODDAMN TEAM AND NOT THE OTHER ONE, HAVE YOU NEVER BEEN TO A SPORTS GAME? ARE YOU F*CKING BLIND? Or are you just so f*cking dense about what it means to make people like you that you think being a good little supporter of the greek community is going to make our matchup happy? Well it’s time someone told you, NO ONE F*CKING LIKES THAT, ESPECIALLY OUR F*CKING MATCHUP. I will f*cking c*nt punt the next person I hear about doing something like that, and I don’t give a f*ck if you SOR me, I WILL F*CKING ASSAULT YOU.

“Ohhh Julia, I’m now crying because your email has made me oh so so sad”. Well good. If this email applies to you in any way, meaning if you are a little asswipe that stands in the corners at night or if you’re a weird sh*t that does weird sh*t during the day, this following message is for you:

DO NOT GO TO TONIGHT’S EVENT.

I’m not f*cking kidding. Don’t go. Seriously, if you have done ANYTHING I’ve mentioned in this email and have some rare disease where you’re unable to NOT do these things, then you are HORRIBLE, I repeat, HORRIBLE PR FOR THIS CHAPTER. I would rather have 40 girls that are fun, talk to boys, and not f*cking awkward than 80 that are f*cking faggots. If you are one of the people that have told me “Oh nooo boo hoo I can’t talk to boys I’m too sober”, then I pity you because I don’t know how you got this far in life, and with that in mind don’t f*cking show up unless you’re going to stop being a goddamn cock block for our chapter. Seriously. I swear to f*cking God if I see anyone being a goddamn boner at tonight’s event, I will tell you to leave even if you’re sober. I’m not even kidding. Try me.

And for those of you who are offended at this email, I would apologize but I really don’t give a f*ck. Go f*ck yourself.

Which kitchen utensil?

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This post is inspired from a post on the blog East to West and Back (EWB), a hilarious post and I highly recommend.  I just got turned on to EWB, and I have to say I thoroughly enjoy the writer’s style and comedy.  In the post, the writer’s mother sent a list of interview questions that were actually asked for positions at some well known companies.

21) “What kitchen utensil would you be?” – Asked at Bandwidth.com, marketer candidate.

A corkscrew – because NOTHING should separate you from a bottle of wine.  Ever.

The real question is… how would you answer this?

Celebrity parents?

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This post is inspired from a post on the blog East to West and Back (EWB), a hilarious post and I highly recommend. I just got turned on to EWB, and I have to say I thoroughly enjoy the writer’s style and comedy. In the post, the writer’s mother sent a list of interview questions that were actually asked for positions at some well known companies.

20) “Pick two celebrities to be your parents.” – Asked at Urban Outfitters, sales associate candidate.

The blogger’s response?

Ellen DeGeneres and George Clooney. Pretty sure they can’t have a kid together – rather it’s unlikely to happen – but they could adopt and co-parent. Although – I don’t see George being tolerant of some of my “bits”. Whatever, George. Certain things just need a song.

My first thought was Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie cause they pretty much get whatever they want, but then I’d have to share the limelight with their ethnically integrated pseudo Brady Bunch, and well… that’s not how I roll. Pretty sure I would go with Stanley Tucci (love him!) and Patricia Clarkson, because let’s be honest – they are hands down the coolest movie parents ever in Easy A. If you haven’t seen it, stop what you are doing immediately and watch it. Unless you’re an air traffic controller or a bus driver or something, in which case please continue what you are doing because people’s lives are at stake here.

The real question is… how would you answer this?

Stolen pen?

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This post is inspired from a post on the blog East to West and Back (EWB), a hilarious post and I highly recommend.  I just got turned on to EWB, and I have to say I thoroughly enjoy the writer’s style and comedy.  In the post, the writer’s mother sent a list of interview questions that were actually asked for positions at some well known companies.

19) “Have you ever stolen a pen from work?” – Asked at Jiffy Software, software architect candidate.

My response?  Does the word “duh” mean anything to you?  (Thank you Kristy Swanson, Buffy the Vampire Slayer)

The real question is… how would you answer this?

In a perfect world…

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overread

This post is inspired from a post on the blog East to West and Back (EWB), a hilarious post and I highly recommend.  I just got turned on to EWB, and I have to say I thoroughly enjoy the writer’s style and comedy.  In the post, the writer’s mother sent a list of interview questions that were actually asked for positions at some well known companies.

12) “How would people communicate in a perfect world?” – Asked at Novell, software engineer candidate.

Openly and freely… but only as long as other people won’t get offended.  If not, then silently.

The real question is… how would you answer this?

Coming for dinner?

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This post is inspired from a post on the blog East to West and Back (EWB), a hilarious post and I highly recommend.  I just got turned on to EWB, and I have to say I thoroughly enjoy the writer’s style and comedy.  In the post, the writer’s mother sent a list of interview questions that were actually asked for positions at some well known companies.

11) “If we came to your house for dinner, what would you prepare for us?” – Asked at Trader Joe’s, crew candidate.

The blogger’s response?

I would be more concerned about random people just showing up at my house for dinner. We just met. Get comfortable, because it’s going to be a while for this chicken to defrost.

I’m completely 100% in agreement with the response, but I would take it one step further.  First of all – who doesn’t call and say “hey, I’m coming over for dinner” before they show up at your front door?  In the words of one Bon Qui Qui, “Rude… security!”

The real question is… how would you answer this?

Alone in the car?

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This post is inspired from a post on the blog East to West and Back (EWB), a hilarious post and I highly recommend.  I just got turned on to EWB, and I have to say I thoroughly enjoy the writer’s style and comedy.  In the post, the writer’s mother sent a list of interview questions that were actually asked for positions at some well known companies.

7) “What do you think about when you are alone in your car?” – Asked at Gallup, associate analyst candidate.

The blogger’s response? “If I pretend nothing is wrong, no one will notice I am not wearing any pants.”

The real question is… how would you answer this?

Which one to get rid of?

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This post (and probably soon to be a series of them) are inspired from a post on the blog East to West and Back (EWB).  The post is hilarious, so I highly recommend that you read it.  I just got turned on to EWB, and I have to say I thoroughly enjoy the writer’s style and comedy.  In the post, the writer’s mother sent a list of interview questions that were actually asked for positions at some well known companies.

1) “If you were to get rid of one state in the U.S., which would it be and why?” – Asked at Forrester Research, research associate candidate.

The blogger argues for getting rid of North Dakota, making one Dakota and calling it Super Dakota.

The real question is… how would you answer this?

words to live by

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In his landmark satire of medical residency, The House of God, Samuel Shem (a pseudonym for psychiatrist Stephen Bergman) outlines the 13 Laws of The House of God.  Shem wrote and article for The Atlantic in late 2012 as a follow up to his novel.  In the article, Shem adds four new laws to his prior list of thirteen.  Below is one of those new laws, #15.

Law 15 : Learn empathy. Put yourself in the other person’s shoes, feelingly. When you find someone who shows empathy, follow, watch, and learn.

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drinking, overread

Everybody has to believe in something… I believe I will have another drink.

-W.C. Fields

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overread, ridiculous

So I’ve moved on to a new book, this one titled Let’s Pretend This Never Happened (A Mostly True Memoir) by Jenny Lawson.  I have definitely caught myself laughing out loud (literally) several times while reading this book.  Some of the foot notes and the editor’s notes are absolutely hilarious.

This little section caught my eye this morning, and I felt the need to share it.

Bonnie, his mom, invited me to sit on the couch.  And so I did.  But when my back grazed one of the little couch pillows, Victor’s eyes widened at me in horror as if I’d just stabbed the family dog through the ear.  He cleared his throat at me, and I sat up quickly as he surreptitiously re-straightened the pillow and whispered, ‘Those pillows are only for decoration.’

And that’s when I learned my first rule about rich people.  They never use their cushions.

Which is sort of f*cked up, because that’s kind of what cushions are for.

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I first saw this quote back when I ventured to South Africa as a medical student in 2005.  I remembered it today when I was looking at some old blog posts.  It is definitely still fitting.

“Coffee makes civilized living possible in these chaotic times.”

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A friend of mine reported how she figures out tough life decisions…

“And justgngr, I ask myself every day WWJD and the J don’t stand for Jesus.”

#nohomophobia

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gay, overread, twitter

Many thanks to fellow blogger So…Over The Rainbow for posting about this.

Homophobic slurs cut deep, no matter who is saying them.  But have you ever wondered how often they are said?  Well, now you can find out.

The site NoHomophobes.com tracks the number of tweets in a day that contain casual homophobic references, including the words “faggot,” “dyke,” “no homo,” and “so gay”.  According to the website, these words are used casually in everyday language, despite promoting the continued alienation, bullying, isolation and in some tragic cases suicide of sexual and gender minority (LGBTQ) youth and adults.  Now, the website obviously doesn’t get everything correct; for example, if you were to tweet “no homo sapiens have ever been to Mars”, the website would pick that up.  That’s why they also include a rolling trend of the tweets these words were found in.

In truth, as a nation we collectively no longer tolerate racist language.  We’re getting better at dealing with sexist language, but sadly we’re still not actively addressing homophobic and transphobic language in our society.  Perhaps NoHomophobes.com is a step in the right direction

in defense of marriage

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gay, opinion, overread

Among social conservatives, the argument against marriage equality that reigns supreme is the notion that same-sex marriage undermines the very institution of marriage.  Since Massachusetts began to recognize same-sex marriages in 2004, voters in many states have approved amendments to their state constitutions barring same-sex marriage.  A number of states have also granted marriages to same-sex couples, and certainly the 2012 election ushered in a historic moment for marriage equality in the United States.  The compromise position for the remainder of the states has been the recognition of civil unions and domestic partnerships, as most recently demonstrated in Colorado.

In 1995, David Boaz wrote an essay for the New York Times on the subject of civil unions and domestic partnerships called “Domestic Justice”.  In that article, he noted that politicians “overlook that there are two kinds of domestic partnerships – heterosexual and same-sex.  Although the most vocal opposition to domestic partnerships is aimed at gay couples, giving them [legal] benefits does not undermine marriage.  Rather, it remedies the injustice that homosexuals can’t marry the people with whom they share their lives, and it creates financial incentives for stable relationships.”  Boaz wonders that for social conservatives who are so opposed to affirming marriage equality, are these not the same goals that we seek in encouraging heterosexual couples to marry?

Giving domestic partnership benefits to unmarried heterosexual couples, on the other hand, does undermine marriage.  They give people who can marry all the financial benefits of a legal union without demanding commitment.

If social conservatives really want to stand on a platform of family values, shouldn’t they be encouraging the creation of long lasting committed partnerships and families?  By offering domestic partnership benefits to heterosexual couples who do not marry, social conservatives undermine the very institution they hold so dear and continually wave in the face of same-sex relationships.  Instead, domestic partnerships and civil unions are seen as a peace offering to the gay community, relegating them to second class citizens and simultaneously undermining the institution of marriage by offering a similar set of rights to unmarried heterosexual couples.

Perhaps because domestic partnerships and civil unions are a step toward correcting a wrong, perhaps they have more bipartisan support than marriage equality, perhaps they are viewed as a compromise, or perhaps people believe the gay community will tolerate domestic partnerships and civil unions and therefore cease the push for marriage equality.  But we know from history that separate but equal is all too clearly separate but never in fact equal.

On the recently passed civil union bill in Colorado, state senator Pat Steadman (D) had this to say. “Civil unions are not marriage. They are something that are separate, and distinct, and lesser, and unequal.  And that really is not good enough. We passed this bill because this is the best we can do.”

words to live by

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In my work, in everything I do, I mean to say that we human beings are more alike than we are unalike, and to use that statement to break down the walls we set between ourselves because we are different.  I suggest that we should herald the differences, because the differences make us interesting, and also enrich and make us stronger.

-Maya Angelou