Lessons from our mothers

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family

This post is a little late for Mother’s Day but since my mom is flying into town tomorrow in order to watch me graduate with a Masters in Public Health, I figured it was still appropriate.

I am currently baking red velvet cupcakes.  Why you ask?  Because I’m going to a graduation reception/party Saturday afternoon following the graduation ceremony.  And clearly, I have to bring something.  I blame my mother.

You see, we all grow up learning little pearls from our parents, but I contend that our mother’s influence on our social graces far exceeds that of our fathers.  For example, my mother always said you can’t show up empty handed to a party that you were invited to.  Hence I’m baking cupcakes.  Could I have made something easier?  Sure, but it just so happens that the Boston University colors are red and white.  (Don’t judge me.  I can feel you judging.)

I don’t think my mother was forced to read Emily Post when she was growing up, but there are many other habits I have because of my mom.  For example, I always return the shopping cart (it happens to be one of my biggest pet peeves when people don’t – and yes, my mother’s biggest pet peeve too).  I always rinse dishes before they go into the dishwasher.  Many of my food and product purchases are from my mom; choosy moms choose JIF and so does this ginger, and Downy is the only acceptable fabric softener.

For better or for worse, she is the voice within my head.  And I suspect I’m not alone.  What social graces and habits have you picked up from your mothers?

12 First Date Deal Breakers

Tags

opinion, ridiculous

This story appeared yesterday on The Huffington Post, and I couldn’t help but share.  Christine Gallagher details the twelve things you should never discuss or reveal on a first date.

I happen to agree with most of these, but I’m curious what people think about #3.  Is it really NOT okay to talk about your dog or cat at all during the date?  Yes, clearly there is a danger zone in going overboard, but mentioning you have a dog or cat?  Really?

Btw, as a pescatarian, #5 could be incredibly important – especially if that first date is at a restaurant.  I don’t mind if my date eats steak or pork or some other meat for dinner – but there are a lot of vegetarians/vegans out there who do.  Might be good to know that in advance.  Just saying…

12 Things to Never Mention on a First Date

1. The ex. It’s best not to vomit up what went wrong in your last relationship. If you do, your date will be sure to pick up any information about how you might behave in a relationship with him or her. So zip it. Never share the details, particularly the gory ones, until you know each other a whole lot better.

2. Your finances. There’s a lot of talk right now about people being financially strapped — there’s even a new sitcom about a divorced woman living with her parents. But it’s not sexy, okay? Again, let’s hope that you are so stunning in other ways that your date doesn’t give a damn and is more than happy to sneak in through your childhood bedroom window if things get that far. But don’t count on it. It’s best to tread softly when you reveal financial woes.

3. Beloved pets. Nothing is more unappealing than listening to a new date express undying love for their pet. Keep the iPhone photos to yourself. Don’t share pictures of Fido at the doggie Easter egg hunt. If you have more than two cats, never share that information until you’re on more solid ground. And don’t say you can’t ever have a sleepover because your cat or dog can’t be left alone. As for deceased pets you had in childhood, let them rest in peace.

4. Physical ailments. This is especially important for hypochondriacs. Trust me — only your doctor is interested in a history of your ailments and injuries. And if you have any suspicious rashes, particularly on hidden parts of your body, don’t tell your date, okay?

5. Special diets. If you subscribe to a restricted eating lifestyle, don’t discuss it at length. You may come across as boring, dogmatic or worse. Vegans should go easy, particularly if their date is happily cutting into a big juicy steak. Eccentric eating preferences should also be handled carefully. I once had a date with someone who revealed they only ate white food. I still can’t articulate why, but this was an immediate total turnoff.

6. Your brilliant children. All of us are crazy about our kids.  We think they’re incredibly talented and adore their quirky behavior, but a total stranger has absolutely no need to know the details. Of course, do reveal you have kids. Mention their ages. Then move on.

7. Sexual practices. A first date is never the time to discuss what you like or don’t like in bed. If you have a bag of sex toys in your closet, don’t share. Don’t, under any circumstance, talk about past lovers and their talents and preferences.

8. You don’t like sex. You may get lucky and be dating someone who feels exactly the way you do. But it’s not likely, okay? So save this tidbit for later.

9. Unusual habits. This is a very broad category.  It could be something benign but potentially off putting — like your kids still sleep in a family bed with you, or you have a side business providing custom pet funerals. If you have a hard time gauging if your habits might be “unusual”, ask a candid friend for feedback.

10. Your porn addiction. Okay, so you’ve been single for a while and spending evenings in fantasy porn land. But now you’re out in the real world with a real person. You don’t have to share.

11. Arrest records. Any arrest, even if you were deemed innocent, should not be revealed upfront. It will raise big-time red flags and scare away a lot of people. Same goes for IRS problems, foreclosures, disciplinary hearings etc.

12. How miserable and lonely you are. Chances are your date is equally miserable and lonely, but it’s still a big turnoff and should be kept for your therapist. For your date, put on your best face and keep it in the light zone. And who knows? Maybe a sliver of magic will pass between you.

Congrats Rhode Island

Tags

family, gay

… the rest of New England thanks you for finally “evolving”

the changing landscape of marriage equality

Tags

gay

In case you haven’t been paying attention to the news, in the weeks since the Supreme Court heard arguments in the cases for California Proposition 8 and the federal Defense of Marriage Act, there have been quite a few changes in the US and abroad leading toward greater recognition of marriage equality.

Abroad:

Exactly two weeks ago today, lawmakers in Uruguay voted to legalize gay marriage.  With the vote, Uruguay became the second nation in Latin America to approve of marriage equality and only the third in the Western Hemisphere.  Uruguay joins Argentina and Canada.

Lawmakers in New Zealand also voted in favor of marriage equality one week ago, making New Zealand the 13th country in the world to recognize same sex marriages.  New Zealand is the only country in the Asian-Pacific region to recognize same sex marriages.

And just yesterday, the French National Assembly voted in favor of marriage equality in a 331 to 225 vote.  The vote in France was not without contention, as Paris has seen a series of protests against the measure.  President Francois Hollande is expected to sign the bill into law.

In the US:

Closer to home, several states are currently considering marriage equality bills.

Delaware: A marriage equality bill passed through the Delaware House 5 days ago and heads to the Senate.  Governor Jack Markell has expressed support for the bill.  Delaware currently recognizes civil unions.

Nevada: Monday night, the Nevada Senate voted to repeal the state’s constitutional amendment banning gay marriage and replace it with a law legalizing same sex marriage.  The measure now heads to the Nevada House.

Illinois: Marriage equality in Illinois has remained slightly in limbo since it’s defeat earlier in the year and subsequent passage by the state’s General Assembly.  The bill is awaiting a vote in the Illinois House, and it’s prospects remain uncertain.  Just today, Illinois Attorney General Lisa Madigan posted this opinion piece in the Chicago Tribune.

Rhode Island: Lastly, the Rhode Island Senate is expected to vote on the state’s marriage equality bill today.  The bill was previously passed by the Rhode Island House of Representatives with strong bipartisan support earlier this year.  The Senate Judiciary Committee yesterday voted to put the bill to a full floor vote in the Senate.  Rhode Island is the only state in New England that currently does not endorse same sex marriage.

To and From Boston, With Love

It was a beautiful spring day, long deserved after a brutal winter.  It was the perfect day for reenacting history, for a baseball game, and for a celebration of athletic prowess and endurance.

I have lived in Boston for nine years now, having spent four years of my late adolescence, as do so many in this city, attending one of its many fine institutions of higher learning.  Celebrating Marathon Monday remains one of my fondest memories from those years.  Standing on the streets of our city next to friends, neighbors, and strangers alike, cheering on runners from around the world.  Marathon Monday is a day when college rivalries dissolve, and Red Sox and Yankees fans stand next to one another, offering ‘high-fives’ to people facing the holy grail of athleticism head on.  It is a day where the people of Boston remember why we love this town so much.

For a single day each year, the world focuses its attention on our beautiful city.  And it is a limelight in which we revel.  We are not a London or Paris or New York City; the spotlight does not always shine on us.  We are a small city, but we are an intensely proud one.  We are a city of academics and students, doctors and nurses, lawyers and judges, athletes and champions.  We are a city that has faced adversity in the past – the Boston Marathon is run on the very day commemorating the brave patriots who fought British aggression on the battlefields outside of Lexington and Concord.  We are a city that mourned with our fellow Americans on 9/11, saddened further that our fair city was the origin for two of those doomed flights.  We are a city with a storied past, a history well known.

To all of the first responders – police, firefighters, doctors, nurses, paramedics, and EMTs, we thank you from the bottom of our hearts for your courage and diligence.  To the runners who finished the race and turned back to help or ran to local hospitals to donate blood – you truly are superhuman.  To the citizens of our city who opened up their hearts and homes, thank you for showing the world what Boston is truly all about.  And to the families that are mourning – know that we are hurting with you.

To the person or persons who perpetrated this cowardly act, you have messed with the wrong town.  You have gravely miscalculated how our city responds to violence that kills and injures innocent bystanders, especially when it comes to our children.  For when you perpetrate acts of terror against Boston, you are dealing not only with our city but with all of New England.  One only need to hear a speech from our mayor or attend a Boston sporting event to know that we proudly and fiercely defend her.  We are a town that does not easily forgive and never forgets.  We may talk a lot of trash in this town, but trust and believe that our bark is nowhere near as bad as our bite.

No single person can adequately describe yesterday’s events, and sometimes pictures do speak volumes.  The links below are from various writers and articles on the day’s events.  And they are each beautiful in their own way.

A perfect day, and then the unimaginable – The Boston Globe

Boston’s beloved day – The Boston Herald

If you are losing faith in human nature, go out and run a marathon – The Washington Post

Unbelievable Acts of Kindness – BuzzFeed

29 Reasons to Love Boston – BuzzFeed

So Close, Yet So Far – Amby Burfoot

Nurses rely on trauma experience to help wounded – CNN

Love to Boston

We are Bostonians, we are New Englanders – whether native or import.  We are a strong, tough, resolute and resilient breed of Americans.  Bostonians have faced adversity in the past, and we shall meet this challenge head on.  Together.  We will not stand for those who disrupt an event celebrating athleticism and endurance, an event that draws people together from around the world.  United we stand.

weekend friends

Tags

someecards

Ever feel like this is your life?

Meet the Gaybros?

Tags

gay, opinion

I’m not going to win any popularity points with this one, but I don’t care.

Brian Lowder wrote an article for Slate that posted yesterday titled “Meet the Gaybros.” The subtitle was “They like sports, hunting, and beer. They make the gay community mad.”

I’ll tell you what makes me mad… articles like this one.

The article starts off with Lowder walking around Boston with a group of men who have dubbed themselves “Gaybros”, gay guys with traditionally manly interests like sports, hunting, and beer.  They travel to the city’s “premiere gay sports bar” Fritz, where Lowder comments on the diversity of the crowd.  To call Fritz a “premiere” anything is a joke; the fact of the matter is that Fritz serves a clientele who, unlike so many other places in Boston, don’t give a f*ck who you THINK you are.  People go to Fritz not because it’s a great place to watch sports but because it’s low key and unpretentious.  The “Gaybros” later head off to Club Cafe, a locale I would ironically dub the exact opposite of Fritz… but also not “premiere”.  Lowder, on the other hand, makes an exit and heads to a house party at a “handsome” townhouse where he is surrounded by the “Crate and Barrel brand of gayness.”

Here’s why I hate this article.  The “us versus them” mentality and the compartmentalization of gay culture in this article (and in real life) is ridiculous and does us a disservice.  At a time when the community should be rallying behind each other in support of legal rights for ourselves and the rest of the LGBTQIA community, instead we continue to separate and ridicule one another.  We do to each other exactly what the straight (male) community continually does to us.  Gay men are, in fact, our own worst enemies.

The whole notion of “masc” versus “fem” is utter ridiculousness.  The idea that gay men can only fall into one category or another is ludicrous.  These labels, if you will, are not mutually exclusive. What this article highlights is a nasty division within the gay community, one that employs labels taken directly from the very people who oppress the gay community in the first place.  The fact of the matter is, there is plenty of room within the gay community for everyone – Gaybros included.

In the words of the person who sent the article my way, “I can love watching the Emmy’s and watching the Pats on the same day.  I totally go to Red Sox games because I’m a fan, but I also love to watch my design shows on HGTV.  Cut the crap – ALL OF US.”

Gays – it’s time to grow up.

in defense of marriage

Tags

gay, opinion, overread

Among social conservatives, the argument against marriage equality that reigns supreme is the notion that same-sex marriage undermines the very institution of marriage.  Since Massachusetts began to recognize same-sex marriages in 2004, voters in many states have approved amendments to their state constitutions barring same-sex marriage.  A number of states have also granted marriages to same-sex couples, and certainly the 2012 election ushered in a historic moment for marriage equality in the United States.  The compromise position for the remainder of the states has been the recognition of civil unions and domestic partnerships, as most recently demonstrated in Colorado.

In 1995, David Boaz wrote an essay for the New York Times on the subject of civil unions and domestic partnerships called “Domestic Justice”.  In that article, he noted that politicians “overlook that there are two kinds of domestic partnerships – heterosexual and same-sex.  Although the most vocal opposition to domestic partnerships is aimed at gay couples, giving them [legal] benefits does not undermine marriage.  Rather, it remedies the injustice that homosexuals can’t marry the people with whom they share their lives, and it creates financial incentives for stable relationships.”  Boaz wonders that for social conservatives who are so opposed to affirming marriage equality, are these not the same goals that we seek in encouraging heterosexual couples to marry?

Giving domestic partnership benefits to unmarried heterosexual couples, on the other hand, does undermine marriage.  They give people who can marry all the financial benefits of a legal union without demanding commitment.

If social conservatives really want to stand on a platform of family values, shouldn’t they be encouraging the creation of long lasting committed partnerships and families?  By offering domestic partnership benefits to heterosexual couples who do not marry, social conservatives undermine the very institution they hold so dear and continually wave in the face of same-sex relationships.  Instead, domestic partnerships and civil unions are seen as a peace offering to the gay community, relegating them to second class citizens and simultaneously undermining the institution of marriage by offering a similar set of rights to unmarried heterosexual couples.

Perhaps because domestic partnerships and civil unions are a step toward correcting a wrong, perhaps they have more bipartisan support than marriage equality, perhaps they are viewed as a compromise, or perhaps people believe the gay community will tolerate domestic partnerships and civil unions and therefore cease the push for marriage equality.  But we know from history that separate but equal is all too clearly separate but never in fact equal.

On the recently passed civil union bill in Colorado, state senator Pat Steadman (D) had this to say. “Civil unions are not marriage. They are something that are separate, and distinct, and lesser, and unequal.  And that really is not good enough. We passed this bill because this is the best we can do.”

Profiles of Love

Tags

gay

I’m down in New York City this weekend, visiting friends and taking in the city’s St Patrick’s Day festivities.  I have the pleasure of staying with two very close friends of mine who happen to be recently engaged.  The combination of Valentine’s Day merely a month ago and my friends recently becoming engaged makes me think about love, that enigmatic emotion and feeling that we as human beings all ultimately strive for.  Never having been in love myself – that I know of – I decided to ask various couples I know what love meant to them and how long it was after they started dating their significant other that they knew they were in love.

I hadn’t intended for us to be in a relationship.  But as we started to get to know each other, I knew that our connection – whatever it maybe – was special. I fall in love with him everyday, and that’s how I know that I love him.

warm fuzzies; unexplained giddiness. It’s not always easy, and long term takes work, but the heightened emotions can come pretty quickly and pretty early on.

I guess I knew because the thought of him not in my life, and possibly in someone else’s, disturbed me greatly.

I’d say it was 3 months or so. It was a feeling that came out verbally when we were talking, and I guess I just knew. And there are ups and downs. So if on one day I feel totally in love and the next day I don’t, I trust both as completely normal, and realize that love is like that. But at least for me, it is something I just know in my gut.

The last quote came from one of my recently engaged friends, and the idea that love can be there one moment and gone the next was surprising to me.  What may be surprising to you is that all of these quotes came from men, and more than that from gay men.  The point here is that love is universal.  Love does not care if you are white or black, gay or straight, Jewish or Catholic.  Love does not judge us or cast us out for being different.  Love crosses – no smashes – through boundaries;  language, religious, cultural, and ethnic barriers on which we as human beings often place far too much emphasis.  At our core, every human being strives to achieve love, and there is no choice in that matter.  We do not choose to love or choose who we love.  We just do.

Have the internet and social media killed dating?

Tags

opinion

This post seems appropriate to me given that today is Valentine’s Day, but it was brought on after a friend posted an article from CNN titled “The lost art of offline dating“.  It got me thinking about dating in general – both on and off line – and the effect that the internet, texting, and social media have had on modern dating.

According to match.com, 1 in 5 relationships start online.  I’m going out on a limb here (I know), when I say that can’t all be false advertising  – or someone would have sued them by now the way they are ready to sue Subway for selling a foot-long sub that well… falls a little short.  Surely, there must be some redeeming qualities to online dating…. right?

Well not according to the CNN article.  Online dating has boosted the confidence levels of all those wanna-be lovers and has broken down the traditional barriers to dating.  In the process, online dating and social media have diluted the basics like body language, simple conversation, tone, and social cues.  Email, Facebook, texting, and Twitter are impersonal and don’t allow for actual interaction.  Online dating, according to the authors, should be avoidable.

So dating coach and author Adam LoDolce has a simple solution: meet people organically.  No offense to Mr LoDolce, but he’s a dating coach – he clearly knows how difficult meeting people organically can be, and how much the ability to meet people organically dramatically depends on where in the country you live.  Telling the average Bostonian to “meet someone organically” is either a joke or a slap in the face, given our populace’s propensity to be… distant (yes, I’m being kind).

And my favorite recommendation from this article?

Ever stand in line at Starbucks and hear someone mention a common interest? Strike up a conversation, instead of sticking your nose in your phone. Take opportunities to practice being social everywhere.

That’s likely to get you shunned around this city, or potentially killed in others.

I still contend that online dating can’t be all bad.  Online dating allows you to streamline the process and weed out people you know you wouldn’t be interested in.  I know, I know – what if you there are people out there that you don’t know if you would be interested in because you just wrote them off based on their online profile?  Trust me… there are some people that YOU JUST KNOW.  And yes, texting and Facebook messages may be impersonal – but at least it’s a form of communication?  With so many couples unable to communicate, perhaps a little hiding behind a screen isn’t always bad thing?

There’s no doubt that at some point your online relationship has to move offline into the realm of modern dating.  So if you’re really worried about rejection or that the other person might be crazy, do something simple like grab some ice cream; if it goes well, you now know what kind of ice cream they like, and if it goes poorly or they have horrible taste in ice cream, then at least you got to eat ice cream.

To all the single ladies…

Tags

holidays, opinion, ridiculous, someecards

Valentine’s Day is a rough day for anyone out there who is single.  Trust me, I know.  I’ve been there; and she’s a relentless b*tch.  If it helps, remember that couples are boring and gross and will be waiting to sit down to dinner at a restaurant they’ve either already been to or are going to spend way too much money on for a crappy Valentine’s Day menu.  Yes, I can still look through the haze that overcomes couples and both sympathize and empathize with all the single people out there.  After all, this is still a holiday conjured up by Hallmark and Hershey’s… and maybe DeBeers.

So single ladies, get out there and find Mr Right Now… because you best not be looking for Mr Right on Valentine’s Day.

self absorbed?

Tags

gay, overread

Another great quote from Bruce Bawer’s book Beyond Queer, this one by Daniel Mendelsohn.

It’s no surprise that a lot of gay social life takes place in spots that provide plenty of reflective surfaces: mirrored gym or bars and clubs where you might go to ‘see and be seen’.  When it comes to desire, we men are all eyes.  Whatever we say about looking for husbands, many of us spend a lot of time in places where the only thing we look at is… ourselves.

the marriage question

Tags

family, gay, opinion

In light of all the debate around DADT & marriage equality, the results from the most recent election in Maine, Washington, Maryland, and Minnesota, as well as President Obama’s inauguration speech, I want to leave you all with an excerpt from Bruce Bawer’s book Beyond Queer, which contains a piece from author Andrew Sullivan, former editor of the New Republic.  This excerpt appeared in the piece “The Politics of Homosexuality” which he wrote for the New Republic on May 10, 1993.

But the critical measure necessary for full gay equality is something deeper and more emotional perhaps than even the military.  It is equal access to marriage.  As with the military, this is a question of formal public discrimination.  If the military ban deals with the heart of what it is to be a citizen, the marriage ban deals with the core of what it is to be a member of civil society.  Marriage is not simple a private contract; it is a social and public recognition of a private commitment.  As such, it is the highest public recognition of our personal integrity.  Denying it to gay people is the most public affront possible to their civil equality.

This issue may be the hardest for many heterosexuals to accept.  Even those tolerant of homosexuals may find this institution so wedded to the notion of heterosexual commitment that to extend it would be to undo its very essence.  And there may be religious reasons for resisting this that require far greater discussion than I can give them here.  But civilly and emotionally, the case is compelling.  The heterosexuality of marriage is civilly intrinsic only if it understood to be inherently procreative; and that definition has long been abandoned in civil society.  In contemporary America, marriage has become a way in which the state recognizes an emotional and economic commitment of two people to each other for life.  No law requires children to consummate it.  And within that definition, there is no civil way it can logically be denied homosexuals, except as a pure gesture of public disapproval.

In the same way, emotionally, marriage is characterized by a kind of commitment that is rare even among heterosexuals.  Extending it to homosexuals need not dilute the special nature of that commitment, unless it is understood that gay people, by their very nature, are incapable of it.  History and experience suggest the opposite.  It is not necessary to prove that gay people are ore or less able to form long-term relationships than straights for it to be clear that, at least, some are.  Giving these people a right to affirm their commitment doesn’t reduce the incentive for heterosexuals to do the same, and even provides a social inventive for lesbians and gay men to adopt socially beneficial relationships.

But for gay people, it would mean far more than simple civil equality.  The vast majority of us – gay and straight – are brought up to understand that the apex of emotional life is found in the marital bond.  It may not be something we achieve, or even ultimately desire, but its very existence premises the core of our emotional development.  It is the architectonic institution that frames our emotional life.  The marriages of others are a moment for celebration and self-affirmation; they are the way in which our families and friends reinforce us as human beings.  Our parents consider our emotional lives to be more important than our professional ones, because they care about us at our core, not at our periphery.  And [therefore] it is not hard to see why the marriage of an offspring is often regarded as the high point of any parent’s life.

oh Ryan Gosling…

Tags

adorable, hot man, ridiculous

After seeing Crazy, Stupid, Love this past weekend, a good friend of mine passed this photo on to me today.  I couldn’t help but post.

the year of marriage equality?

Tags

gay

The past two weeks have seen the introduction of marriage equality bills in both Illinois and Rhode Island.  After the stunning wins for marriage equality of last year’s election in Maine, Maryland, and Washington – one has to wonder if this is the year for marriage equality.

The fight in Illinois has an interesting ally, and I’m not talking about Jessie Tyler Ferguson.  In fact, the chairman of the Illinois Republican Party is also calling on GOP lawmakers to pass marriage equality in the state.  Though the bill made it out of committee last week, it hit a snafu without enough votes to bring the measure to vote on the Senate floor.  The bill now stands in limbo, although many believe that Illinois will be the next state to approve marriage equality.

In the meantime, bills were introduced in both the House and the Senate in Rhode Island – the only state in New England to not have marriage equality.  The success of these measures is less clear in Rhode Island, a state that is heavily Catholic.  But perhaps Rhode Island will follow her New England neighbors in defining history.

true friendship

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someecards

This is how true friends roll…

Looking not backward, but forward

Tags

holidays

We as human beings are intrinsically priceless, and it’s the unfortunate ones who don’t see our inherent worth.  We are here to choose, not to be chosen, and only those who see our true inherent worth should be given the opportunity.

It’s not long until midnight, until 2013 officially begins and 2012 becomes yet another year for the history books.  For some reason, starting with what I wrote a year ago in anticipation of the promise held by 2012 seemed to be the only appropriate way to look back on the year.  I ended last year’s NYE post with the words above… and I have to admit that message rang true this year.

2012 started with an emotionally bruised and battered me, rushing off and running away to the Caribbean for some serious heart mending and soul searching, and that trip to Barbados was the perfect beginning to a roller coaster year – but one of mainly ups.  True, this heart would have mended even without that trip to Barbados.  However, the pain and heartache would have lasted much longer; the strength and confidence to carry on may never have reached their summit.  The inner peace would have been a long time coming without that long walk on the beach under full moonlight.

But I came back from the Caribbean looking not backward, but forward.  Though this blog was started many years ago, I took a renewed interest and a different focus in February.  The rest of the year was spent much the same way.  Looking ahead for challenges and opportunities, truly taking many of the “30 Things to Stop Doing to Yourself” to heart.  I learned not to make the same mistakes as I did in 2011.  I learned to be a little more selfish, to not let my past relationships get in my way, and to not get into relationships for the wrong reasons.  Jumped head first into school/work and took some chances that turned out to be great ideas in the long run.

Somehow I managed to do all of the things I worried about when I worried about turning thirty.  I’d like to think this year successfully balanced the competing desires to be successful, start a relationship, and keep up with friends – all while taking care of and not losing my own sense of self.  I’m not trying to sound self aggrandizing here.  These are, in fact, the same lessons I’ve posted on this blog every day this month.  This past year is merely a testament to putting them into place, and New Year’s Eve is a call to action.  NYE is a moment to reflect, learn, move forward and do.

I don’t quite know exactly what 2013 has in store.  There will be some big things for sure – finishing my MPH, returning to surgical residency.  A trip back to the Caribbean in January – although this time not for soul searching in Barbados, but for helping those in need in Haiti. The remainder of it is unplanned, and the uncertainty of it all almost doesn’t matter.  Because whatever it is, I got this – and if I cant do it alone, I know there are people to whom I can turn for help.  But I do know one thing for certain. This year when the clock strikes midnight and the crystal ball in Times Square reaches the number 2013, I know exactly where I’ll be.  I’ll be standing next to and holding onto the one I chose… and the one who chose me.  And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Happy New Year everyone.  Reflect on the good and the bad from this past year.  And then look forward, go out, and make something of the new year.

30 Things to Start Doing for Yourself

Tags

opinion

Well, now you know the 30 things to stop doing to yourself.  Since today is New Year’s Eve, I think it’s only fitting to post the 30 Things to Start Doing for Yourself.  After all, New Years Eve is a day for us to look back on the past year and make a resolution to change our ways in the future.  Check out Marc and Angel’s full post for the details, but here are some of the highlights in my honest opinion.

1) Start spending time with the right people.

3) Start being honest with yourself about everything.

5) Start being yourself, genuinely and proudly.

7) Start valuing the lessons your mistakes teach you.

11) Start giving your ideas and dreams a chance.

12) Start believing that you’re ready for the next step.

14) Start giving new people you meet a chance.

20) Start listening to your own inner voice.

22) Start noticing the beauty of small moments.

23) Start accepting things when they are less than perfect.

26) Start taking full accountability for your own life.

28) Start concentrating on the things you can control.

Merry Christmas

Tags

family, holidays, winter

Justgngr wants to wish everyone a merry and blessed Christmas.  Hopefully you’re spending the day surrounded by family and friends.